Goodbye 2012, a year of hits and misses.

2012huh

As yet another year comes to an end, I believe all of us go through the same motions. Was it a good year? A horrible year? A not so bad, I got through it kind of year? Perhaps after you’ve established that the year practically flew by without you accomplishing very much you start asking why, and what-if you did something differently. By the time you’re done with all that, you realise how much time you just wasted thinking about it cause there’s really nothing you can do to change the past year.

Well, 2012 was a real roller coaster year for me.

You know how you begin the year thinking your life is as close to perfect as it can get? Like everything has finally fallen into place, and you have everything you could possibly ask for, and you just can’t wait to wake up every morning with an idiotic smile on your face. Sure, everyone goes through rough waters, but at some point all that pain is finally justified, and it’s all worth it, you know? :)

But as with any roller coaster ride, there are tons of ups and downs, and it’s the down points that really kill you. I always say, there’s a way to get around anything, as long as you want to, I still want to believe that, but this year life has thrown me more curved balls than I can possibly deal with. I’m usually someone who hangs on and tries until the end cause I hate giving up and I hate losing a fight, but for me to reach a point where I actually give up and walk away, is totally new to me. 2012 definitely saw a record number of misunderstandings. Being misunderstood is one thing, but being misunderstood and put down before you’ve had any chance to say anything, that takes a hell lot of calm to deal with. I guess at some point I just lost that calm. After all I’m one person who cannot stand being misunderstood and called things I’m not. And amidst all the tears, you realise you’re actually fighting for what you want, and it should be something worth fighting for, but what if self defense kicks in and you unknowingly start fighting against it?

forgive

We go into every new year telling ourselves it’s the best time to leave the past where it belongs, to bury grudges, to forgive people who have wronged us, to reconcile with family and the people we love; but is that possible for everyone? Don’t we forgive others in the hope they do not do us wrong a second time? Do we keep forgiving? Or do we draw a line somewhere? It’s true what they say that holding onto grudges hurts the one holding the grudge more than the one who caused the grudge to be. But why is it so hard to let certain things go? I wish grudges and all the bitterness that comes with it could magically disappear at the stroke of midnight, like some new year magic with fairy dust. Obviously fairies don’t exist, I guess that’s what life is all about, putting us through tough times to learn how to love and to forgive. And until we can untie all the knots in our hearts, we will forever be a tangled mess, completely incapable of loving someone else, or so I was told.

 Amidst all the drama, I’m happy that I got to experience love again, the feeling of loving and being loved, knowing that you could mean the world to just one person. It feels like a privilege, but it’s a birth right. It’s just a feeling that nothing else can replace. At least I know I AM capable of feeling despite how hard I try not to, and that my heart is not dead. But I guess you simply can’t hold on to something that isn’t meant to be yours, or force something to work out, and learning to let go is a part of life, nothing lasts forever, anyway.

love

Perhaps a part of me died when Baileys passed. My bunny of over 2 years, I still miss him everyday, and talk to him as if he’s right next to me when I’m feeling frustrated. He was always there to listen to me, make me smile, no talking back, no dissing, just a patient listener; even though he threw bunny tantrums at times he was still the cutest bunny ever. I’m glad I had him for that short time, and I’m sure he’ll be patiently waiting on the other side. :)

No, I’m not going to sit in a pool of tears and cry, I’ve done more than enough of that. Despite all the pits I’ve gotten stuck in over the past year, I’m determined to get out of them in due time, but right now,

happy

Life is a gift and it’s a fragile one, every day lives are taken against their will, every day people are struggling to survive. There are so many people less fortunate than we are. Somewhere out there, a teen has probably never used a mobile phone, much less a laptop or iPad. We are so lucky to have what we have, we are lucky to be where we are. While we complain about fighting with a partner, somewhere in the world someone is all alone just hoping for a warm embrace. While we are deciding which steak house to dine at, so many children out there are rummaging through garbage looking for something that will fill their stomaches. 2012 has made me realise that there’s so much more to life than just what we see. We set goals, we plan for years ahead,

present

We plan the future, we spend every other day talking and worrying about the future. What if something happens tomorrow? Can we keep leaving everything for tomorrow? Why not now? We try to live our lives so fast that it just flies by, year after year, the same cycle over and over again, it’s almost as if we are living our lives on auto-pilot. Something’s missing, we’re not making the most out of this life, or are we? That’s for you to decide!

As for me, I’m going to take some time out to rethink this life and what really matters before I attempt to make any resolutions at all.

2013cupcakes

cupcake image courtesy of http://muffin-fluffy.tumblr.com

It’s going to be a countdown with the parents this year, since I’ve spent the past few new year’s out of home, I guess it’s time to hit home ground. :)

See you all in 2013! xx

The Little Things

I’ve been pretty much a grouch the past few days since I got sick but Robin came over yesterday and made me feel that much better! Sadly, when he left I felt sick again… I am beginning to think it’s like a withdrawal effect of sorts. :/

domo earstuds S$8/pair (in store soon!)

I finally managed to plonk myself at my work desk to get some work done while he studied for his exams coming up next week, and as hard as it was to not distract each other, I think we did pretty well! I’ve got so much new stuff that needs to go up in store but falling sick over the weekend really put a damper on things, I need to get back into the work flow again.

We tend to draw on each other quite a bit… And Robin likes playing with my stuff so he made something for me yesterday. (See last photo)

I haven’t decided if I wanna have it as a necklace or a bracelet, but I’m leaning more towards a charm bracelet cos it looks so adorable. Head’s up everyone! That’s a new gift idea!

If you want me to make you one just drop me an email at jeanine@jeaninegabrielle.com

taaaaaaaaaa ♥

Culinary Crash Course!

Desperate times call for desperate measures. So, what happens when your boyfriend falls sick and you are naturally obliged to take on nanny duties?

Answer : A culinary crash course.

Chicken noodle soup with french onions, celery & carrot

Whatever it is you are down with, this is sure to perk you right up! I am not usually a big fan of celery but if you cook them long enough they actually are pretty nice.

Chicken porridge with century egg

Well, I was the only one who had the century egg anyway, Robin was too disgusted by the sight of it to even come close to trying it. This actually turned out pretty well for a first try. We had seconds on Sunday!

So, getting sick isn’t all that bad when you get something out of it. I learnt that my “chinese cooking” isn’t all that hopeless, and Robin got a personal nurse for like 3-4 days. How’s that for a deal? I’m just really glad he’s better now, his rapidly fluctuating fever really kept me on my tippy toes……

I figure most people might think, why bother? Just buy porridge from the food court or something, right? But I’ve always believed that home-cooked is always the best. There’s a magical ingredient that doesn’t come in the food you buy…. Love.

Looks like the flu bug is going around too, so load up on those vitamins, drown yourself in water and stay out of this crazy Singapore heat! xx

Food For Love.

Baby made us german pancakes for lunch on Saturday!

I would post the video of him doing dips in the kitchen in between making pancakes but I think he might kill me so I’ll skip that for now.

Time really flies when you’re having fun… In the blink of an eye, we’ve been together 3 weeks now, and I can safely say, I have no regrets. The drama we had to go through to be together was well worth it for what we have now, and for the future. December is right around the corner, and Robin will start university in just 2 weeks.. I need to start getting used to seeing him less and having less time to spend together. The thought of it is somewhat mood dampening cos we’re practically glued to each other, but we have to get through all this before we can be where we really want to be in life, and I know that we’ll be okay. :)

Ich liebe Dich, baby. xx

…"moving on"

I’ve always wondered what it really means to move on… I pondered days and nights for months, and I think I’ve found my own understanding of these two small words that carry so much weight.

“Move on, forget about me. You’ll meet someone better”

“Move on, he’s not worth your time.”

You can tell someone to move on, but whether he/she decides to, is ultimately a personal choice. Moving on, doesn’t always mean the same thing to everyone.

For months, when the words “move on” came up, I’d get scared and fear the future which had gotten so hazy. Would I be wrong to assume that we’re all afraid of moving on? The thought of shelving memories is enough to make us cringe. Fearing solitude, we fight to hang on to the memories, hoping something will change, but the truth is, it won’t. Things that have happened will never change. Holding on to mistakes isn’t going to make everything right, and somehow, I saw the light.

I had been so afraid of “moving on” because everyone made it seem like that was the end of everything. But no, it was in fact the beginning.

Moving on doesn’t mean shelving memories and severing ties. Moving on doesn’t mean it’s the end. Perhaps we shouldn’t use the term moving on, but moving forward instead? It sure sounds a little less intimidating. Moving on, for me, was letting go of the pain. For months I was holding on to someone else’s mistakes, and my own too.

The fact is that nothing gets better if you insist on sitting on a nest of rotten eggs. They’re just going to deteriorate even more. Accept that things have come to be the way they are, pick yourself up and try again.

Move forward, and embrace the new chances that are waiting ahead. Things only get better if you let them. Let go of past hurts, cos only then will love and happiness have space to reside in your ♥..

The moment I decided to let everything go, it felt like I was born again. Freed from the chains that were weighing me down, I felt like I was ready to live my life proper, looking only to the future.

It is true what they say, you need to learn to let go of everything, in order to hold on to the things that really matter, and decide if they are indeed worth holding onto..

 

“The Greater Pleasures in Life”

one of my past writings, this one is from may 2007.

does getting married, or simply being in a relationship for that matter; mark the end of freedom? does the sacred union of 2 human beings really bring you closer to hell?

the irony of marriage. probably the biggest event in one’s life which is most anticipated and dreaded all at once!

is it just due to our very poor mindset about marriage? how is it some couples live in bliss after marriage while some can’t help but start tearing at each other’s hair once they cohabit?

WHY DO PEOPLE’S ATTITUDE TOWARDS THE OTHER CHANGE OVERNIGHT?

for god’s sake, do things change that much after you say I DO? apart from taking on someone else’s surname, or guys, having someone take on your surname, and having to address another pair of parents, the two people who have just made a commitment to each other did not just undergo any drastic change overnight, did they?

so it might take a lil getting used to waking up with someone beside you, but surely, in this day and century, it wouldn’t be that awkward? if you know what i mean, i shan’t state the obvious.

surely, you’d have known this person well enough, which is why you’ve agreed to spend the rest of your life with him/her? OTHERWISE, why are you even married?

no really, why?

Unconsciously (or not), we start picking at each other’s habits. we make a big fuss about our partner’s totally non existent sense of humour, or the toothpaste left uncapped, the tube being squeezed from the centre, the toilet seat not put down, the sink not dried, the newspaper left on the floor, the dishes left to soak in the sink.. i could go on forever, but you get the gist. is this really all part of life? did we not know this much about the person we chose to be life partners with?

the question here is,

what did you spend all the time prior to getting married/together doing? that’s what the entire “dating process” is about isn’t it? observing each other, understanding weaknesses, AND instead of making a big hoo-haa just becos he doesn’t have the habit of putting the cap back on the tube of toothpaste, why can’t you create a new habit of capping it back? think about it, will it really kill you to put the cap back on when he has left it to roll around the sink?

now, you would have heard of the saying : old habits die hard? he’s probably been like that all his life. BUT! did you know it takes only 30 days to form a new habit?

come on, you say you love each other, but you can’t spend just 5 seconds putting the cap back on? imagine how much more QUALITY TIME you can get together if you realise there is absolutely no point in picking at each others faults… now weigh this, you can spend 5 seconds every morning and night putting the toothpaste cap back on… no arguements… thats just 10 seconds in a day…

OR you could let it get to you, and get so annoyed you lash out with a 30 min lecture about how he wasn’t taught how to put the cap back on when he was younger, which might lead to another arguement as to how he was brought up and what “cleaning up after yourself” habits he has been instilled with, which will in turn lead to an even bigger argument concerning… your in laws?

OUCH. now if there’s one point you’re missing it would be this.. once you lash out, there’ll always be a scar, and it’ll forever be a sensitive issue between you two. all that becos you are unwilling to sacrifice 10 seconds of your time each day.. you’ll wake up unhappy, and go to bed with swollen eyes, you’ll lose your voice and still be sour the next morning… is it really worth it?

KISS AND MAKEUP is not going to do the trick.

it’s funny… but you’ll be amazed, some people can pick at their partner’s habit of clearing his throat before a phonecall. sure it might come across as “irritating” but apart from a few seconds of UNWANTED, NOISE, surely it’s not going to kill you? it only irritates you becos you allow it to. really, it isn’t very difficult to ignore it. we’re all capable of selective listening somehow.

21 going on 22, i’m still a long way off from settling down. but i’ve learnt so much from observing relationships since i was little. and the truth is, they aren’t as complicated as we make them out to be.

there are so many more important things in life to be done, there are more good times to be enjoyed. if only we realise, those very few minutes or seconds we bear with each day, is all it takes to reap the greater pleasures that life offers.

-jeanine

ps : if you want to copy this to your own blog for others to read, please do link back to me. thanks darls :)

What Wo(Men) Want

I have tons of mags lying around, just picked one up today and i just had to share this article. It may just be an excerpt, just I’m quite convinced we all have alot to learn; even about ourselves.41lckuw2ysl_sl500_

414grpr721l_sl500_ Its taken from the books “For Men Only” and “For Women Only” by Jeff & Shaunti Feldhahn

For the girls…

He isn’t as strong as he seems
Behind your man’s strong facade may lie uncertainty and the fear of failing. Sometimes, he is unsure about what he should do in a situation and feels inadequate to provide solutions or comfort, but he masks his insecurities and “acts tough”.

So what can we do? For starters, don’t taunt him or tear him down when he tries to help. Rather, encourage and affirm him by showing your appreciation, especially in front of others!

How you look matters to him
Dressing up for your man is one way of showing him how much you respect and love him. We’re not saying doll up to the nines just to eat at the nearby kopitiam, but some basic personal grooming can go a long way.

If you thing you’re fat, don’t just complain – do something about it! Aman does get frustrated when the woman in his life anguishes endlessly about her appearance.

He loves you
If there is one thing a man most wishes you knew about him, it’s that he really loves you. Often, he may want to express his feelings to you, but he worries that he will not do a good job.
To make things easier, let him know what makes you feel most loved! Appreciate him for the times he does try to show his love for you…

* * *

Now for the boys…

She can’t shut out her emotions
Surprising fact : Most women are like Macs, and most men are like PCs! Like a Mac, there are many “windows” open (thoughts and feelings) on the screen of a woman’s mind at any one time. Vs the “PC” mindset of a man, who is able to close each “window” on his screen before going on to the next one.(On the other hand, that’s why most women can multitask, and most men can’t!)

Don’t say “Just don’t think about it.” (She can’t)
Instead, listen, reassure and encourage her in any action that needs to be taken to resolve her concern.

She wants your empathy
“I don’t want you to fix the problem; I just want you to listen!” Sound familiar? What she FEELS about the problem is actually more important to her than the problem itself. The problem is not the problem; the feeling is the problem. You need to learn to filter out the problem to focus on her feelings. Only after you have acknowledged her feelings will she want to focus on working on a solution.

She needs to feel loved
Most women feel insecure about whether their man really loves them. Whenever this insecurity is triggered, she may respond in ways that confuse or dismay you, until she feels reassured. Constant romancing of your woman, whether in little or big ways, will tell her that you desire and care for her, thus lessening her feelings of insecurity.